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Thursday, 19 February 2009

  • Currently
    20th Century Masters: The Best Of Judy Garland (Millennium Collection)
    By Judy Garland
    The Trolley Song
    see related

    ugh. not another one of those..

    Lately, my body has been "blah" er.. perhaps better to say is my mind has been "blah." I havent been focused on weight loss.. more on ... graduation! However I want to look good for graduation! I was doing really good for a month and a half, and then i got lazy. I had lost about 10 pounds... i was super proud. and then .. i dont know. i just got thrown off track. anyway, im back. especially after watching the biggest loser.. those people are so amazing and im so proud of all of them. I dont want anymore of them to leave because they all still need to stay! Anyways, i need to weigh in and then make my goals. i graduate in 2 and a half months. I can lose 20 pounds by then.. its possible. :)

    This picture was taken on feb 15th of this year. It was "our" valentines day. I love my dress.. its a size 8.. that is THE only thing that i own thats a size 8. I honestly dont know how i fit in it (and comfortably too!) because usually i run a 10/12 in a dress. oh well. hopefull i can wear a size 6 in jeans someday! i do have a wayyys to go.. i have to get rid of these hips.. i have the curse of the "birthing" hips... haha. Thank goodness Steven loves me no matter what! :) Kudos to him for losing like 30 lbs himself... that shirt hes wearing is like 2 sizes too big! Im proud of him. :)
     

Sunday, 08 February 2009

  • Wow... It has been so long since i have been here! We were talking about "Xanga" at church with our College group and they (who are about  3-4 years younger were saying how OLD xanga was and no one has one anymore.. and thus, im ready to come back!

    Im ready to get back to WW and finish up what i have yet to lose. I still have about 30 pounds to go until im ready to reach my goal! I will be posting more, but first, i MUST study for my nursing test i have on thursday! :)

Sunday, 01 June 2008

  • Currently Listening
    Collective Soul
    By Collective Soul
    The World I know
    see related
    wow. my last post was utterly depressing. I didnt realize how much emo i had in me! ha. Yeah, well that last post isnt me, and how i usually think.. i was just having a bad night and i was tired and just sad. I hate nights like that. Anyways, tonite is much better, despite the fact that im studying for my MedSurg test i have tomorrow. Over disorders of the ear, the eye, the chain of infection, inflammation, and the immune system. yeahhh.... about that. ha. hopefully i'll do good.

    Anyways, im excited because I get to see Steven next saturday. ; It has been exactly 24 days since i saw him.... and yes, im actually surprised that i've made it this long. I'll tell ya what, when you ask God for patience, boy, God doesn't kid around. Its a good thing that we have this distance.... though sometimes i beg to differ. Its like a test of our relationship, and so far we're doing good. Hopefully he'll get to move back to tyler in the fall for School, and not stay in Palestine. But, if so, i'll wait. Until he graduates if that be the case.

    SPEAKING OF GRADUATING.... I will be graduating in .... exactly.... 343 days. thats about 11 months. well 11.5. Anyways, then after i graduate and after i pass the NCLEX exam, i will be Brandi Cook RN! woot. and then my plans are to work for a while, get a place of my own, and then go back for my BSN.

    Also, I need prayers, please! I am taking a level exit test for Medsurg in about 3 weeks and its MANDATORY that I make a 85% or i fail out  and i have to start over in Jan of next year. So yeah, pressure is always nice. Anyways, Please pray!

    Okay, Love you all so much!!

    xoxoxoxox.

Sunday, 18 May 2008

  • smile.

    I am so sad right now. Life is not fair at all, and its just crummy. Why does God choose to complicate my life more and more? At least thats what it seems. And yes, i know "He does it all for a reason, to make you stronger..." and yada yada. I know all this. And its not that i dont believe it all, because I can be a testimony  on it being  so true. however, I just seem to cry more and more and feel guilty about everything under the sun.

    Perhaps my relationship with God isnt as it should be? yes, I yearn for a deeper more intimate relationship with Him. I have no excuses to why I havent begun this. I could use the excuse about school being too busy, but was Christ too busy to die for me on the cross??... did he keep putting it off, and saying "maybe tomorrow i'll do this for them." no, Christ wasn't a procrastinator, and unfortunately procrastination is one of the conformity's of this world, something God said not to do.

    I could never be God, im too selfish, and too plain mean.

    Anyways, I do yearn for that relationship and I yearn to be able to be able to recite every verse out of the bible and be able to have that beautiful perfect relationship. but TIME seems to be my enemy, that and laziness.

    I was at church and our pastor was telling us about how we tend to feel guilty about stuff and its not God making us feel guilty, its Satan whispering in our ear telling us that we are the only one that is struggling... that no one cares.  And then there is God is on the other side saying "do you truly believe that?"

    *cries*

    Ive cried today for multiple reasons. One being Steven. That is where my selfishness comes in. I just want to ask "why is it not fair that I can only see my boyfriend once a month at the most?" My parents didnt do that, when they dated, they spent pretty much everyday together. His parents were the same way. My sisters were the same way... and i have friends that have the gift of getting to share their time with their boyfriend or girlfriend all the time. Why do I have to "be patient" I feel like ive been patient my whole life, and patience is not a bad thing. but i just sit and wonder "when is it my turn?" Again, selfishness.

    And i have a friend that says that "at least I have a boyfriend" and yes, this is true. I love him with all my heart. However, picture one of your best friends that you love dearly being taken away or that has moved away and you have been told that you can only see him/her once a month for a couple hours. its heartbreaking. and feels as if its not fair. If my best friend erica tells me that she is moving out of town, but we can spend an evening together hanging out once a month, i'd be devastated.

    Also, in a relationship I feel as if it should be growing constantly, and when he lives out of town and i dont get to see him often, i feel as if our relationship is not growing at all. like we are at a plateau, and it just never grows deeper. i dont know. im just filled with a million emotions.

    And i can guarentee that its all linked back to my relationship with God. The further i get from Him is when my insecurities return, and when i question everything, and when i get frustrated, and mean, and perverted, when i question my own life (like what is my purpose, if i even have one). See, these things come back, and they're not of God. When I was "On fire for Jesus" I would feel loved, and confident, and beautiful, and secure, and less anxious, and safe, etc, but once i break away from Him, and start to go back to being secular, these things dissapear... and i wonder how people truly live their whole life without God, and LIVE with all these things all the time.. i dont see how its possible.

    This post makes me feel so much better, now that i get it out of my heart. I dont expect anyone to read this. but if you do, just know God is the only way. If you ever feel alone, you arent. He is sitting right beside you looking at you with arms wide open. Hes desiring that relationship YOU WANT with someone, to be with Him. The only thing i can say is turn to Him. He is the way to go, despite what others may say. My heart is sad for those people. So, my friends, i love you. Thank you all for loving me, despite my selfish ways. Thank you for being kind to me, and showing me love, and giving me friendship. Please be patient with me.

    I love you.





Sunday, 30 March 2008

  • Currently Listening
    O
    By Damien Rice
    The Blower's Daughter
    see related

    I wrote a little something. i dont know why, it just rolled out. Its not the best, and can stand some criticism. I wrote it in about 5 minutes and so yeah. Thanks! Love you! its really short, but i could always add to it later.


    Shell

    Who can i turn to,
    Who can i tell,
    Who can i lean on,
    To break from this shell?

    Im captured and bleeding
    needing to break free
    wanting to go
    can anyone see?

    i smile so pleasant
    and i love so well
    i say that i am happy
    yet my eyes will tell.

    Perhaps you'll see me
    or you may just already do
    Just look inside my heart
    and know im yearning for You.

    Who can i turn to,
    Who can i tell,
    Who can i lean on,
    To break from this shell?

    -Brandi Cook 3-30-08
    inspiration: actually, this is not about any specific person. Its meant for all people who struggle. Who struggle to find love, who yearn to find God, who just want to be loved in return.


    What a great day today will be. I will be able to study, and so im actually excited about  that. Also, i may see steven tomorrow, and im really excited about that!! If not tomorrow, perhaps tuesday. Okay lovlies, wish me luck on my test tomorrow! yay.




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brandic1986

  • Visit brandic1986's Xanga Site
    • Name: Brandi
    • Location: Tyler, Texas, United States
    • Birthday: 9/7/1986
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 9/10/2004

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About Me

  • I will be graduating Nursing School in May this year and I will be getting my RN degree. :) Im in love with a man named Steven, I have a great family, wonderful friends and an Amazing God who loves me, and its by His grace that I am here today. :)